eatin' in Milwaukee
Part 2 of the, uhh, series
I used to love structure. I don’t so much any more. I just want to write sometimes. This post is about food in Milwaukee that we ate.
The “secret” restaurants:
Milwaukee has two restaurants operating as “speakeasies” in which a password is required for entry. Well, Safehouse allegedly has a password. It might also not. I don’t actually know. But we decided one was clearly better than the other and the answer may be surprising.
Don’s TV & Appliance Repair: By far the newer of the two, Don’s appears as though it is a regular grocery from the outside with additional signage about food and not to use specific doors. OK, so it isn’t much of a secret really, and when you discover the store inside is primarily selling Don’s merchandise or the usual sorts of highly collectable junk around 1970s/1980s nostalgia (Gremlins! Garbage Patch Kids!) it isn’t as surprising when the cooler turns into a door.
Inside, the scene is a classic nerd/hipster trap. Tube televisions? Yes. Projector big-screen showing Seinfeld? Yes. A Power Glove? Yes. Red lighting and tiki drinks? Yes and yes. The food is upscaled bar food, which is not entirely unexpected for this and fits the theme of Don being an unfussy sort of guy. Don certainly has impressive taste in mixed drinks for such a blue collar fellow, and I opted for the one that comes in a arcade cabinet tiki mug.
For lunch, my wife opted for the veggie burger, I opted for the Brats n’ Tots Burrito, and we shared an order of cheese curds. First, the curds: It’s Wisconsin, people push cheese curds on you everywhere, and as a fellow midwesterner, this is not a novel item in our world. They have cheese curds at chains regionally represented in our ‘hood like Culver’s and A&W as well as all sorts of sit-down restaurants. I’ve eaten many cheese curds. These? These were different. They used what appeared to be panko breadcrumbs and seasoned these suckers. Don’s cheese curds were remarkable and memorable. The Veggie Burger I’m told was good: the burrito that is almost certainly similar to things I have made myself while under the influence of various substances? Fantastic. We were full. And it was great.
Safehouse: Safehouse doesn’t post the password which leads to people who don’t know it having to do a silly act to be granted access. The act is shown on TV screens throughout the facility, though if we’re being honest, no one is paying attention. We did the hokey pokey. It was fine.
Inside, Safehouse is much more extensively themed than Don’s. There are multiple rooms themed to the USSR, Communist China, East Germany, and also magic. With a stage and magic shows and a magician. That part we couldn’t get into because of a private event (allegedly), but we saw most of the rest of the restaurant’s interior. There’s even a scavenger hunt that you can do while there. It’s impressive! I’d compare some of the interior theming to the venerable Casa Bonita, and there’s points where it even beats that. The booth that spins and turns into a store front window is pretty tough to hate on.
OK, so that’s the good stuff. And they were doing fine business when we were there on a Sunday night. But there’s the negatives: the food is also upscaled and upped in price bar food. We were pretty full from a weekend of gluttony and wound up getting salads. Fine salads, but I’m sure they probably have something better in the protein department. Seating areas can be a bit cramped as decoration trumped utility. Staffing wasn’t great and there were some long waits to get service at the start, though food came out fairly quickly. I got a mixed drink and would describe it as tasting like “sugar with some alcohol”. Not inherently bad, but it felt like it just as easily could have been a pre-mixed tropical cocktail thing as it would be a real handmade one. Also unlike Don’s or other restaurants in this vein (Fong’s in Des Moines springs to mind), just standard glassware instead of anything more exotic looking.
In general, Safehouse’s vibe was off. Something didn’t feel right. That was even before the server mentioned she had just found out their hours were being cut. This place has been in existence since 1966, and it seems hard to believe they would be struggling when it was difficult to get around tables full of people to see the rest of the venue, but that’s a possibility I can’t ignore. Also, there is a $3 entertainment fee added to the bill. Just thought you should know that. However, I could see how going with friends of ours who would be more into this might lead to superior outcomes.
The definitely-not secret:
Mader’s: An institution in the city of Milwaukee, Mader’s opened it’s doors originally 120 years ago, and it’s still here today doing it’s thing as the name in German restaurants. And you pay for that name: my butter chicken schnitzel on spätzle was $37; the beer cheese appetizer over ten, and the final bill in the three digit range. I also wouldn’t go so far as to say it was the best German food I’ve ever had: I think Bavarian Inn out in Frankenmuth is probably as good, and there’s likely equivalent or better options near Ann Arbor in my state. Plus, you know, actually having been to Germany and eating at German restaurants. But I digress.
The fact that it isn’t *the best german food of all time* is not a slight because it’s still a very credible German restaurant with very good food. The beer cheese was not the expected and perhaps generic lager & cheddar dip, but more of a spread to be placed on small toasted pretzel crostinis. My wife had the Portabella Napoleon, which she described as “fine” but clearly was a bit of a let-down after the crostinis. My schnitzel was very good as was the spätzle. When the server brought out the tray of desserts, we couldn’t help ourselves and ordered a Bread Pudding to share. It could have fed a family of 4 easily.
In the “intangible” category: Mader’s is a restaurant where there is excellent stuff to look at everywhere. All over the place there are suits of armor, furnishings, paintings, murals, etc. Every famous person who has ever visited Milwaukee has basically eaten here, so being a Mader’s diner makes you like a president or Clark Gable. The server was…interesting. Our interactions were that of me talking to someone who was extremely nervous to be talking to me. I am nobody. I don’t know why that would be. My wife was convinced that she was attracted to me, which is equally laughable in my eyes. Regardless, Meredith paid so that she wouldn’t see my name. There aren’t many Alan Conceicaos in the United States, OK?
Organ Piper Pizza: We arrived here on Day 1 of the trip, having broken away from our tour at the Pabst Mansion to get in 30 minutes after opening. To our amazement, the parking lot was full. Inside, every seat was occupied and we wound up waiting 30 minutes before getting our own table. But why? For what was this interest about?
At the peak of the fad, America had a ton of restaurants which were pizza restaurants that had musical organs. Like a church organ, except in a large banquet facility that primarily serves pizza. Chuck E. Cheese and Showbiz showed up in the early 80s and brought the whole thing down, but it was a big deal for families during the 1970s. Nothing has really been done in terms of research on the topic, and like the Holidome of the same time period, it arguably changed America profoundly without being recorded at the time as it was seen as lacking in cultural clout.
With merely three organ playing pizza restaurants remaining, there’s no fad here. It is antiquated; from a different, past era. The food is fine: nothing worth getting excited about but as my wife put it, it tastes like memories of youth. There’s a small arcade to one side, and the organist is just right of center. To the far end sits the counter at which one orders food: one is provided a number, and when the number lights up on the big Bingo board looking thing, that’s when it’s time to pick up the pizza. Prices are reasonable, and the organist takes requests. Before I could discover if he would play my request for Hail To The Victors, my wife suggested we leave. It wasn’t before a stirring rendition of Grand ‘Ol Flag with the benefit of a US flag descending from the ceiling, as well as the flipping action of a primordial animatronic thing in the corner and some ABBA.
Milwaukee Public Market (Thai-namite & C. Adams Bakery): Milwaukee’s market is not at the scope of Detroit’s, Cleveland’s, or Seattle’s, but it isn’t shabby. High occupancy and plenty of people along with good food abound here. Thai-namite was not my favorite all time pad thai: I considered it almost too sweet. But it wasn’t bad or anything. Wife enjoyed it and was happy it wasn’t spicy. C. Adams Bakery makes all sorts of sweets, and we got some Oreo bites and a peanut butter cookie. The Oreo bites were fine; more like a chocolate truffle in consistency than a cake pop. The peanut butter cookie was immediately a favorite for both of us. Memorable, I would argue. Perhaps not a cookie for the ages, but a cookie to be fondly recalled in an era where good cookies are increasingly common thanks to Insomnia and Crumbl. That is meaningful.
Hotel Room Service at The Pfister: We stayed at the fanciest hotel in town. There was room service. We imbed and wanted some. I got French Onion Soup and my wife a think of rotini-based pasta in cheese sauce. Her pasta was fine, the Soup is French Onion Soup and is, of course, incredible. We also shared a piece of carrot cake because we could. It was phenomenal.
BREAKFAST, THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY:
Brunch: This was located right around the corner from our hotel; the name is pretty definitive about what’s being served here. Given that we were in on a Tuesday, the special of the day was 1/2 off all pancakes. My wife selected the Lemonberry Pancakes, of which I got a bite. I had a Brunch Griled Cheese because I was feeling like I wanted savory, and honestly, I regret it a little when Cheddar Pancakes was an option for 50% off. It was solid, but…
Donut Monster: Donut Monster is in the Third Ward neighborhood not far from the Public Market and most of the art galleries and upscale shopping. It has donuts. The donuts are pretty fantastic! Being there on a Sunday morning at 8AM, there were no lines, unlike what the internet led us to believe on most other days of the week. The Brown Butter and Japanese Caramel donuts were both superb. But they weren’t the star. Oh no. The star was the breakfast sandwich. I opted to be vegetarian with my wife and have an Egg, Cheddar, and Avocado sandwich, made on their homemade english muffin. This is not a regular english muffin. No. This is something else. It almost feels more like what I imagine (or recall, since I know I ate one at one point) a cronut tasting like, just less sweet. Fluffy and crispy on the outside but so buttery and delicious in the center. The eggs, cheese, and avocado were perfect. This is, to my recollection, the best breakfast sandwich I have ever had. This after traveling to 47 states, two US territories, 7 Canadian Provinces, and 50+ other countries. I did not take a picture of the breakfast sandwich, but it is accessible on their website and is worth every penny and then some. I would pay three times as much and feel satisfied.